Your answer - succinct and true: "My answer? Get off. Get off of your phone, your laptop, every social media site you’re on. Stop looking at other people’s lives and start living your own." Yes! Seconded! Well done Kerri. Glad these young women have your example and straightforwardness to guide them.
Thanks, Katie! I've been trying to be off the digital world a bit more, myself, and find it challenging at times. I can only imagine how difficult it would be for someone who's had this crutch their whole lives.
I love this! Were your remarks received well by the girls?
Two movies spring to mind:
The Holiday, where Kate Winslet’s character exclaims “You’re supposed to be the leading lady of your own life for G-d’s sake!”
This quote from your linked essay “When Steve Jobs brought us Apple computer we were promised bicycles for the mind, but many of us feel we’re ending up with cognitive wheelchairs.” And Big Tech’s involvement with education means “we create better and better cognitive wheelchairs for our kids”. It makes me think of Pixar’s Wall-e! The humans have sunk into a computer driven life, always, always consuming and getting further and further away from Earth. They live on futuristic wheelchairs (hover chairs) from which they don’t move because they can’t, because the immobility and lack of gravity has meant they’ve lost their bones! When I watched it with the kids recently I thought how apt a warning it was.
I think the workshop went well, if the feedback is anything to go by!
Love these quotes - and it's a really interesting point about Wall-E (a movie I loved and cried over!). I always saw it as a reflection on environmental/ eco issues, but I think the digital aspect is much more poignant even now than when it was made. It's easy to lose your bones (and back bone!) when you're used to just doing whatever the computer/ device tells you to do.
Great post. In Nicholas Carr’s book The Shallows, he makes a point that when we look at our phones, we’re looking at what someone else wants us to see. Call it Big Tech, algorithms, what have you, but we give others power to literally dictate what we pay attention to, what we see and hear, and yes, what we think. Patricia Snow’s seismic piece “Look at Me” from years ago in First Things also spoke to this.
And I saw NC is coming out with a book on social media! This should be good.
Not to rain on the Carr book parade...! but Ben here recently read it and was underwhelmed, compared to his previous books.
"Carr concludes where most engaged readers on this topic begin, and he seems unaware of the state of the current discourse in this space. I guess his target audience is a bit older, left-leaning, and he’s trying to catch them up on the last decade rather than push the envelope with these Against the Machine types. I suppose I was hoping for something more than that."
I really appreciated your essay, Kerri. Thank you so much for writing this.
"Are we enabling girls to encounter God through his first revelation: creation itself? Are we giving them opportunities to exercise their rationality and freedom as stewards of this created world, rather than as mere consumers? Do we facilitate and encourage traditionally human work and hobbies for mind and body?"
I don't have a ton of younger women and girls in my life at this point, but I am trying to do this with the ones I have. We invite them to our fires in the backyard, or at the church, during summer; my daughter took an astronomy course and she would share the constellations she was learning with the pre-teen girls and young-twenties woman; a pre-teen (infrequently) comes to Sunday worship alone and I have her hand me her smartphone, sit next to me, and hold the baby for a little while. If she comes for dinner, I bring her in the kitchen to help me put away food, then take her to the living room for some Bill Peet read-alouds -- she tells me she has trouble reading (an overlooked but devastating effect of smartphone use for children right now).
One thing I'm trying to do on a regular basis is invite our small group of youngish church women, mostly moms, for a monthly bake night. I've taught them how to bake simple yeast breads, and one mother made cinnamon rolls for her family for the first time at Christmas. I couldn't believe how happy this made her -- and me. It felt so worth it to open our home for these things even though I can feel like it's some work.
I hope this list gives some other women an idea of how simple hospitality can be. I am so thankful for women who invited me into their homes when I was feeling a bit lost as a college student; I keep those moments in mind when I'm tempted to believe it's not worth it, or weird, to reach out to include others in our embodied family life.
Many mothers ourselves don't know how to engage in reality. TVs took a lot of that away from us as children, or our parents away from us, so I think any progress we can make to encourage one another in this area will have lasting effects to the next generation of our own daughters.
Thanks again for this thoughtful and inspiring essay.
Hi Leah, thanks for such a thoughtful comment! I really love these practical ideas, and I hope other readers can benefit from seeing them. It's all well and fine to talk about the broad brush strokes of things like engaging with reality, but the truth is, engaging with reality requires real action :) And sometimes those actions are as straightforward as inviting a teenager to hold the baby for a bit, or helping women grow in confidence with their baking skills.
I also really appreciate how particular you've made these examples to your own life, because it shows how necessary we all are to the Body of Christ. I'm no baker and would not be of any service to others trying to teach them how to make cinnamon rolls! But I love hosting young families to give the parents a break from cooking. I keep a basket of toys ready for little visitors and try to make sure our house is place of welcome without screens.
I happen to be given an opportunity to use my gift of writing to address these topics but I would feel that it is largely pointless were not real women, like yourself, actually trying to engage the upcoming generations!
Somehow I missed this reply, Kerri. Thank you for such a thoughtful and encouraging response! I love your example! I know that I would have been extremely grateful to have been hosted by another couple as mother of little ones. (I still would be grateful today, but now I’m in the position of being able/expected to host — and usually gladly willing.)
"What if we began to invite this generation into true community? Not online, but in-person groups of people who care for and about one another, who are willing to sacrifice for others, and willing to receive the help that others offer? What if parishes or church groups were less concerned with demographic similarities (“youth” and “young adult” groups have their place, but by their very nature are transitory), and more concerned with unity in faith? What if intergenerational friendships were normal? What if the living helped this generation learn to “break bread with the dead,” drawing its members into a centuries-long conversation about what is good, true, and beautiful? Might it be possible to help these girls discover a true vision of themselves?"
I think here of what the Christian community has to offer, which is ideally going to be counter-cultural. Our presence among each other and to the people around us should be a little weird, in how embodied and rooted it is. Of course, this is never perfect and Christians can be prone to the modern, digital slide into individualism as anyone. But churches at least have the foundations to offer something unique, if we will take up the opportunity to offer those riches. This makes me think of this essay from one of the editors at Ekstasis. What struck me was the thread of people being drawn toward the natural community she had with fellow believers.
And this in turn reminds me of some chapel talk in undergrad (somewhere between 2009 and 2012, I'm not exactly sure... but just at the dawn of the smartphone... before many of us even had one). The speaker said something to the effect that Christians should be the most relational people in the real world, by nature of what we believe about the Incarnation. That has never left me because it was so challenging, but rang so true! I think this truly will be a standout marker of the faith in years to come, as people become ever-increasingly hungry for the real. (The interactions my husband has told me about from his workplace paint a pretty bleak picture of how lonely so many people are, and how willing they are to take people up on even something as small but unexpected as lunch together.) Hospitality in all forms will become more countercultural, and a bridge to that "showing" of another way.
Anyways... that was a ramble! And I suppose it all relates to girls in particular in some way. haha I just know for myself that the most impactful situations for me as a girl and then woman have been when other women (usually from a church setting) showed hospitality, saw me, included me in regular things, showing their lives that I then wanted to emulate some aspect of. It's so simple! But also somehow difficult! And very easy to overlook the impact of. I'll never forget those women's real-life influence on me, brief as some of those instances were.
"Christians should be the most relational people in the real world, by nature of what we believe about the Incarnation." That is so true and beautiful.
And I would agree - the impact of being witness to real women and real lives has been crucial for me.
The 'solutions' are always simple, I think, but difficult to live out - which is why there aren't really a lot of books about them :)
Your answer - succinct and true: "My answer? Get off. Get off of your phone, your laptop, every social media site you’re on. Stop looking at other people’s lives and start living your own." Yes! Seconded! Well done Kerri. Glad these young women have your example and straightforwardness to guide them.
Thanks, Katie! I've been trying to be off the digital world a bit more, myself, and find it challenging at times. I can only imagine how difficult it would be for someone who's had this crutch their whole lives.
I love this! Were your remarks received well by the girls?
Two movies spring to mind:
The Holiday, where Kate Winslet’s character exclaims “You’re supposed to be the leading lady of your own life for G-d’s sake!”
This quote from your linked essay “When Steve Jobs brought us Apple computer we were promised bicycles for the mind, but many of us feel we’re ending up with cognitive wheelchairs.” And Big Tech’s involvement with education means “we create better and better cognitive wheelchairs for our kids”. It makes me think of Pixar’s Wall-e! The humans have sunk into a computer driven life, always, always consuming and getting further and further away from Earth. They live on futuristic wheelchairs (hover chairs) from which they don’t move because they can’t, because the immobility and lack of gravity has meant they’ve lost their bones! When I watched it with the kids recently I thought how apt a warning it was.
I think the workshop went well, if the feedback is anything to go by!
Love these quotes - and it's a really interesting point about Wall-E (a movie I loved and cried over!). I always saw it as a reflection on environmental/ eco issues, but I think the digital aspect is much more poignant even now than when it was made. It's easy to lose your bones (and back bone!) when you're used to just doing whatever the computer/ device tells you to do.
Great post. In Nicholas Carr’s book The Shallows, he makes a point that when we look at our phones, we’re looking at what someone else wants us to see. Call it Big Tech, algorithms, what have you, but we give others power to literally dictate what we pay attention to, what we see and hear, and yes, what we think. Patricia Snow’s seismic piece “Look at Me” from years ago in First Things also spoke to this.
And I saw NC is coming out with a book on social media! This should be good.
Totally agree about handing over our own attentions. It's scary!
I haven't read that Snow piece - I'm looking forward to it. Thanks for sharing!
Not to rain on the Carr book parade...! but Ben here recently read it and was underwhelmed, compared to his previous books.
"Carr concludes where most engaged readers on this topic begin, and he seems unaware of the state of the current discourse in this space. I guess his target audience is a bit older, left-leaning, and he’s trying to catch them up on the last decade rather than push the envelope with these Against the Machine types. I suppose I was hoping for something more than that."
https://www.benjaminchristenson.com/p/nicholas-carr-is-not-the-guy
Thanks for that, Haley! Bummer. I enjoyed The Shallows so much, but it’s right not to assume other works will have the same analytical punch.
I really appreciated your essay, Kerri. Thank you so much for writing this.
"Are we enabling girls to encounter God through his first revelation: creation itself? Are we giving them opportunities to exercise their rationality and freedom as stewards of this created world, rather than as mere consumers? Do we facilitate and encourage traditionally human work and hobbies for mind and body?"
I don't have a ton of younger women and girls in my life at this point, but I am trying to do this with the ones I have. We invite them to our fires in the backyard, or at the church, during summer; my daughter took an astronomy course and she would share the constellations she was learning with the pre-teen girls and young-twenties woman; a pre-teen (infrequently) comes to Sunday worship alone and I have her hand me her smartphone, sit next to me, and hold the baby for a little while. If she comes for dinner, I bring her in the kitchen to help me put away food, then take her to the living room for some Bill Peet read-alouds -- she tells me she has trouble reading (an overlooked but devastating effect of smartphone use for children right now).
One thing I'm trying to do on a regular basis is invite our small group of youngish church women, mostly moms, for a monthly bake night. I've taught them how to bake simple yeast breads, and one mother made cinnamon rolls for her family for the first time at Christmas. I couldn't believe how happy this made her -- and me. It felt so worth it to open our home for these things even though I can feel like it's some work.
I hope this list gives some other women an idea of how simple hospitality can be. I am so thankful for women who invited me into their homes when I was feeling a bit lost as a college student; I keep those moments in mind when I'm tempted to believe it's not worth it, or weird, to reach out to include others in our embodied family life.
Many mothers ourselves don't know how to engage in reality. TVs took a lot of that away from us as children, or our parents away from us, so I think any progress we can make to encourage one another in this area will have lasting effects to the next generation of our own daughters.
Thanks again for this thoughtful and inspiring essay.
Hi Leah, thanks for such a thoughtful comment! I really love these practical ideas, and I hope other readers can benefit from seeing them. It's all well and fine to talk about the broad brush strokes of things like engaging with reality, but the truth is, engaging with reality requires real action :) And sometimes those actions are as straightforward as inviting a teenager to hold the baby for a bit, or helping women grow in confidence with their baking skills.
I also really appreciate how particular you've made these examples to your own life, because it shows how necessary we all are to the Body of Christ. I'm no baker and would not be of any service to others trying to teach them how to make cinnamon rolls! But I love hosting young families to give the parents a break from cooking. I keep a basket of toys ready for little visitors and try to make sure our house is place of welcome without screens.
I happen to be given an opportunity to use my gift of writing to address these topics but I would feel that it is largely pointless were not real women, like yourself, actually trying to engage the upcoming generations!
Somehow I missed this reply, Kerri. Thank you for such a thoughtful and encouraging response! I love your example! I know that I would have been extremely grateful to have been hosted by another couple as mother of little ones. (I still would be grateful today, but now I’m in the position of being able/expected to host — and usually gladly willing.)
Thank you, again!
"What if we began to invite this generation into true community? Not online, but in-person groups of people who care for and about one another, who are willing to sacrifice for others, and willing to receive the help that others offer? What if parishes or church groups were less concerned with demographic similarities (“youth” and “young adult” groups have their place, but by their very nature are transitory), and more concerned with unity in faith? What if intergenerational friendships were normal? What if the living helped this generation learn to “break bread with the dead,” drawing its members into a centuries-long conversation about what is good, true, and beautiful? Might it be possible to help these girls discover a true vision of themselves?"
I think here of what the Christian community has to offer, which is ideally going to be counter-cultural. Our presence among each other and to the people around us should be a little weird, in how embodied and rooted it is. Of course, this is never perfect and Christians can be prone to the modern, digital slide into individualism as anyone. But churches at least have the foundations to offer something unique, if we will take up the opportunity to offer those riches. This makes me think of this essay from one of the editors at Ekstasis. What struck me was the thread of people being drawn toward the natural community she had with fellow believers.
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/surprising-rebirth-oxford/
And this in turn reminds me of some chapel talk in undergrad (somewhere between 2009 and 2012, I'm not exactly sure... but just at the dawn of the smartphone... before many of us even had one). The speaker said something to the effect that Christians should be the most relational people in the real world, by nature of what we believe about the Incarnation. That has never left me because it was so challenging, but rang so true! I think this truly will be a standout marker of the faith in years to come, as people become ever-increasingly hungry for the real. (The interactions my husband has told me about from his workplace paint a pretty bleak picture of how lonely so many people are, and how willing they are to take people up on even something as small but unexpected as lunch together.) Hospitality in all forms will become more countercultural, and a bridge to that "showing" of another way.
Anyways... that was a ramble! And I suppose it all relates to girls in particular in some way. haha I just know for myself that the most impactful situations for me as a girl and then woman have been when other women (usually from a church setting) showed hospitality, saw me, included me in regular things, showing their lives that I then wanted to emulate some aspect of. It's so simple! But also somehow difficult! And very easy to overlook the impact of. I'll never forget those women's real-life influence on me, brief as some of those instances were.
"Christians should be the most relational people in the real world, by nature of what we believe about the Incarnation." That is so true and beautiful.
And I would agree - the impact of being witness to real women and real lives has been crucial for me.
The 'solutions' are always simple, I think, but difficult to live out - which is why there aren't really a lot of books about them :)