Pairings .11 🍷🧀
Life Abroad Won't Save Your Life, plus Tray Bakes
“Pairings” is a series in which I share things that go well together - not only the traditional wine and cheese, but things I’ve read or heard or seen. (Content varies widely!) If you’ve missed previous installments, you can find them here.
My husband and I were recently in Rome for a work trip, and found ourselves in a conversation that went something like this:
Him: Did you ask the lady about the thing?
Me: She said no.
Him: Did you explain the situation?
Me: I tried. But she said it wasn’t possible.
Him: But did you tell her about it more?
Me, shrugging: She said no.
Him, laughing: You would never just accept that anywhere else! If we were in the UK or US, you totally would have pushed the issue. It’s like you’re a different person in Italy!
Me, also laughing: You’re right!
I was born and raised in the US. At 30, I moved to Italy for two years, and then later in my 30s, to the UK, where I’ve lived for eight years now. I’m not nearly as well-traveled as many, and more well-traveled than some. What I’ve learned in these years is that the old proverb is true: wherever you go, there you are. But also: expectations matter.
When you expect there to be good customer service, it’s frustrating when there’s none. But if you go in expecting people to be generally unhelpful, it doesn’t sting so much. You might naturally be the kind of person to insist on things, but maybe that’s because up until now, you’ve learned that insisting on things actually helps you achieve your goal. Your expectations shape your behaviour. (In my case, two years in Rome taught me that insisting would make not an ounce of difference in certain situations.)
At the same time, there are some things that no amount of travel can change. Moving to another country can’t fix you. (One of my all time favourite SNL skits says it better than I can. Do yourself a favour and watch.) You’re still going to be a stress head if you’re naturally a stress head. You’re still going to be jovial if you’re naturally jovial.
But travel can also help you discover how much those natural tendencies are tied to circumstance. Maybe you’re a stress head because you live in a high-powered city with a high-powered job with no time to breathe, and once you step away and have a glass of wine, you’re actually more chill than you thought. Maybe you’re jovial because not much tragedy has yet crossed your path in life, but seeing people in heartbreaking circumstances will sober you significantly.
One great benefit of visiting or living in different cultures is that it peels back what you’ve learned in life and the expectations you carry. It’s a proverbial return to middle school, where you begin to realize that what’s considered normal in your family isn’t normal for everyone, and that the things you took for granted make other people gasp (some with horror, some with admiration.)
The stories that make this novelty seem dreamy often fail to portray the awkwardness of those years, developmentally. It’s difficult and embarrassing to realize that what you thought was perfectly acceptable is actually a linguistic or social faux pas. It’s tiring to never be 100% certain of how to act in public. And it’s frustrating to have no idea what others think of you.
Still, there are a lot of people talking about moving to Europe as though it’s a fix for all that’s wrong in the US, which is why I appreciated these two articles that deal with the reality and not the fiction.
1. Europe Won’t Fix You by Elizabeth
But what you find quaint or novel masks the complex realities of the people here. Try dealing with the inefficiencies and frustrations of daily life in Italy or France, not just for fun—because, in the end, you don’t have to be here—but as the locals must: with no exit strategy to escape the unending tribulations and quotidian struggles.
Life in the US, as in Europe, is a series of trade-offs.
As you contemplate your move, it might be worth noting that most people in that tiny Tuscan village of your dreams would kill to have a US passport and access to all the opportunities you can’t wait to get away from. Just look at the unemployment rate in Europe, and you’ll see what I mean.3
Despite the multitude of books and vloggers that try to convince you that moving to a small village in France will fix your life, it won’t.
Instead, it will add multiple layers of complication (and this is the fun part) in a language you don’t speak. Nothing says crying on the sidewalk like dealing with Italian immigration. Trust me when I say you haven’t suffered until you’ve dealt with the French or Italian bureaucracy as an immigrant unsure of language and customs.
“Nothing says crying on the sidewalk like dealing with Italian immigration.” I can personally attest to this!
And although we don’t live in France, I can also attest to what is laid out very clearly in this article: “whatever system you prefer, nothing is ‘free’.”
2. Moving to France Showed Me True Cost of ‘Free’ European Health Care, Child Care, and Retirement by Ellie Krasne
An oft-repeated phrase among those favoring taxpayer-funded health care, day care, and pensions is that such programs are “free.” However, I recently moved to France, and paying my social charges and taxes proves these services are anything but.
I expected taxes to be higher, but I was unprepared for the limitations that France’s system places on individual choice.
In reality, France’s “free” social programs cost more than higher taxes. There’s a non-financial cost when it comes to access and control. Health care and child care are extremely personal choices, and Americans may not realize the degree to which Europeans sacrifice control to government bureaucrats.
One expectation that Americans seem to bring with them in their travels is that of autonomous choice. We expect that we can best decide how to spend our money, how to educate our children, and how to practice our faith (or not). But these are liberties not available to everyone in the world.
There are a lot of arguments online about how it’s “preferable” to live in certain countries or places. But since preference is personal, like most online arguments, this one seems largely pointless to me. The main point is whether or not most of us can choose where we live as merely a matter of preference. Even if our passport is accepted everywhere, we still have to wrestle with the practicalities of shifting our lives in such a radical way.
In a fallen world, there is no perfect system of government, or anything else. Life is full of trade-offs, and as someone who has lived on both sides of an ocean, all I can say is that personal discernment is incredibly important.
These are the questions to sit with: What matters most in the life God has given me? Could I be more peaceful if I just shifted my expectations? Or am I expecting something external - like a cultural move - to fix all my problems? Where am I called to be in this season of life?
Wherever you go, there you are. And: expectations matter.
3. Tray Bakes
Today I texted a friend in the US asking “are traybakes a thing over there? Or do we just call them sheet pan dinners?”
Whatever term, or indeed, baking receptacle, you use, the main idea is the same: have a delicious dinner in one place by combining and cooking all ingredients at the same time.
Top tips include:
350 Fahrenheit/ 180 Celcius is generally safe for almost anything
Cut veg in proportion to how quickly they cook (some types of potatoes take a lot longer to cook than others, for example)
Add in very quick-cooking things in the last minutes (green beans, for example)
Aim for “nestling” rather than “crowding” your ingredients together
If you want things browned a bit, don’t be afraid to turn on the broiler (UK: grill) for a minute or two at the end
To be a bit luxurious, dollop with something creamy (yogurt, sour cream, etc.) and sprinkle with something crunchy (nuts, seeds, etc.)
Tray bakes are great for this time of year when you want something warm and comforting without the hassle of a casserole. They also scale really well. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Chicken thighs, chorizo, potatoes and baby tomatoes
Sausages, fennel, potatoes and apple
I find that most recipes tend to try to make things more exciting than they need to be. Don’t be afraid to chuck it all in a pan with olive oil, salt, and pepper, and call it good.
Tell me: have you ever moved countries? Do you dream of living abroad? What appeals to you about life somewhere other than the place you call home for now? And do you have any tray bake or sheet pan recipes to share?
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Such a nice reminder here! We’re about to move house, and the lifestyle change from city to market town is going to be big. We keep having the same conversation with each other, and it always ends with “but we’ll still be *us*!” Moving house and lifestyle isn’t really going to change our personalities 😂
Love this, Kerri. My husband and I met over twenty years ago in England, where we both were studying abroad, he for a year and I for a semester. He was from Milwaukee and hadn’t traveled much at all prior to that year; I’d traveled a lot more but mostly in the US (I’m an American, too). We both learned a lot, experienced a lot of joys as well as frustrations. You’re absolutely right about the need for asking deep questions and not just assuming that different is better. Also, I’m rethinking my dinner plans; sheet suppers are awesome! Nice pairing 😊