Good article, and I'm glad to see thoughtful writers like you contributing to the Catholic/ religious conversation around today's girls.
As mom to 3 teen/ young adult girls (including 1 with autism) and 1 young adult boy, and mental health specialist working with children through young adults, I can testify that they face a multitude of challenges unique to their generation. I would encourage parents and other adults in these kids' spheres, though, not to underestimate the value of your own past experience in guiding this generation. The basics of human interaction still apply, despite their logarithmic explosion into the online space. The basics of family life are still important in this; so many of the teens I've met want to learn to cook & to eat dinner with their families, but the adults have to nudge that into existence. Even neurotypical adolescents might need your help "scripting" what to say in situations.
Being a parent in this societal shift is really. freaking. hard. Writers who inform with compassion like Kerri are sorely needed in the public discourse.
Thank you for such a kind and thoughtful comment, Erin. I love hearing about how moms of teen girls are managing in this world! You're wise to point out that the basics of human interaction are still very relevant and often teens do actually want real relationships, even if they can't always admit it or name it. I guess one thing is to just offer good basics on the regular: nourishment, family meals, good conversations - even if the teens don't always join in willingly at first.
Wow, this was a very robust vision of the state of things for girls. I love how you strung these relevant writers and their varied research and observations together in such a readable way. I am partial to your First Things piece on women's bodies, but the two are very much related, of course. :)
I realize, however, that I don't actually know any young women or girls very well at this stage in my life. As with the modern problems of boys and young men I care about (boy mom that I am), I don't actually know a lot of young folks! Many of my observations are really that - surface-level observations - of when we go out in public to parks or restaurants, etc and people watch. I notice such a lack of social skills, for one, especially for those girls or boys with phones as constant distractions to enjoying each other in friendship. Clothing is increasingly more "sexy" at younger ages, I notice. And that's only a visual of what it looks like on the outside. I only know from these helpful deep dives of others into internet, digital, and social culture of youngsters what havoc these things wreak. So thanks for pulling all this together.
Yesterday on a road trip back home, my husband and I listened to this interview with Andy Crouch on social media and boys vs. girls. He gleans from the public data we are now more familiar with, but adds his own hypothesis on the short vs. long-term effects of digital worlds for girls vs. boys. Basically, he thinks that the social-positioning skills girls learn via social media (while very unhealthy when channeled those ways in the short-term) is actually translatable to the real world in some sense, as we always need social finesse to get along in life. And with all the girls out-schooling men in university settings, they actually do better in the long-term of their adulthood. However, the worlds that boys inhabit online in their formative years are more of the video game and pornography variety. These do not have as bad effects (as social media does for girls) in the short-term. However, his hypothesis is that this contributes to the male crisis due to the fact that there are no real-life translatable skills to be gleaned from the individual simulations of video games and pornography. So ultimately, they are more handicapped to navigate the actual world as men if that is how they spend their boyhood and adolescence:
Long comment, but thought it was interesting to consider! Of course, the detrimental short-term effects we see for girls in all the things you describe are nothing to scoff at. But it does make me think about the short vs. long term effects. Maybe girls are just better than men at unhealthy, functional coping into adulthood. Who knows.
Haley thanks for such a thoughtful comment. I’m intrigued by this idea of short term / long term effects, and the differences for boys and girls. One blogger I have read for years is an autistic mom of autistic boys (she writes about it a lot), and her view of video games was that it helped her boys concentrate and learn all sorts of social skills, including things like team work and negotiation. I know it’s not the same as social media, but I thought it was interesting- I’m not entirely convinced by it, but it added a new dimension to the conversation. I can’t say I’ve noticed any great effects in the teen boys I know who play sporting video games.
It was seeing my friend’s daughters become teens, alongside reading all these different authors, that made me think so much about all this! I honestly can’t imagine being a high school girl today. It’s so hard.
I dig into many issues affecting girls (and women, to a lesser extent, boys) in this essay, looking at the troubling trend of earlier puberty in girls and boys, potential causes of it, attachment issues, Western parenting and "poisonous pedagogies", and social media addiction (in parents as well as children), as well as pressure to succeed academically and in careers and how that might be affecting young people's mental health.
Thank you, Diane! I would love to hear if you see your granddaughters or their peers struggling with any of these things, and what you do to support them as they grow up into young women. Any practical ideas would be most welcome!
Good article, and I'm glad to see thoughtful writers like you contributing to the Catholic/ religious conversation around today's girls.
As mom to 3 teen/ young adult girls (including 1 with autism) and 1 young adult boy, and mental health specialist working with children through young adults, I can testify that they face a multitude of challenges unique to their generation. I would encourage parents and other adults in these kids' spheres, though, not to underestimate the value of your own past experience in guiding this generation. The basics of human interaction still apply, despite their logarithmic explosion into the online space. The basics of family life are still important in this; so many of the teens I've met want to learn to cook & to eat dinner with their families, but the adults have to nudge that into existence. Even neurotypical adolescents might need your help "scripting" what to say in situations.
Being a parent in this societal shift is really. freaking. hard. Writers who inform with compassion like Kerri are sorely needed in the public discourse.
Thank you for such a kind and thoughtful comment, Erin. I love hearing about how moms of teen girls are managing in this world! You're wise to point out that the basics of human interaction are still very relevant and often teens do actually want real relationships, even if they can't always admit it or name it. I guess one thing is to just offer good basics on the regular: nourishment, family meals, good conversations - even if the teens don't always join in willingly at first.
Wow, this was a very robust vision of the state of things for girls. I love how you strung these relevant writers and their varied research and observations together in such a readable way. I am partial to your First Things piece on women's bodies, but the two are very much related, of course. :)
I realize, however, that I don't actually know any young women or girls very well at this stage in my life. As with the modern problems of boys and young men I care about (boy mom that I am), I don't actually know a lot of young folks! Many of my observations are really that - surface-level observations - of when we go out in public to parks or restaurants, etc and people watch. I notice such a lack of social skills, for one, especially for those girls or boys with phones as constant distractions to enjoying each other in friendship. Clothing is increasingly more "sexy" at younger ages, I notice. And that's only a visual of what it looks like on the outside. I only know from these helpful deep dives of others into internet, digital, and social culture of youngsters what havoc these things wreak. So thanks for pulling all this together.
Yesterday on a road trip back home, my husband and I listened to this interview with Andy Crouch on social media and boys vs. girls. He gleans from the public data we are now more familiar with, but adds his own hypothesis on the short vs. long-term effects of digital worlds for girls vs. boys. Basically, he thinks that the social-positioning skills girls learn via social media (while very unhealthy when channeled those ways in the short-term) is actually translatable to the real world in some sense, as we always need social finesse to get along in life. And with all the girls out-schooling men in university settings, they actually do better in the long-term of their adulthood. However, the worlds that boys inhabit online in their formative years are more of the video game and pornography variety. These do not have as bad effects (as social media does for girls) in the short-term. However, his hypothesis is that this contributes to the male crisis due to the fact that there are no real-life translatable skills to be gleaned from the individual simulations of video games and pornography. So ultimately, they are more handicapped to navigate the actual world as men if that is how they spend their boyhood and adolescence:
https://merefidelity.com/podcast/put-social-media-in-its-place-with-andy-crouch/
Long comment, but thought it was interesting to consider! Of course, the detrimental short-term effects we see for girls in all the things you describe are nothing to scoff at. But it does make me think about the short vs. long term effects. Maybe girls are just better than men at unhealthy, functional coping into adulthood. Who knows.
Haley thanks for such a thoughtful comment. I’m intrigued by this idea of short term / long term effects, and the differences for boys and girls. One blogger I have read for years is an autistic mom of autistic boys (she writes about it a lot), and her view of video games was that it helped her boys concentrate and learn all sorts of social skills, including things like team work and negotiation. I know it’s not the same as social media, but I thought it was interesting- I’m not entirely convinced by it, but it added a new dimension to the conversation. I can’t say I’ve noticed any great effects in the teen boys I know who play sporting video games.
It was seeing my friend’s daughters become teens, alongside reading all these different authors, that made me think so much about all this! I honestly can’t imagine being a high school girl today. It’s so hard.
I dig into many issues affecting girls (and women, to a lesser extent, boys) in this essay, looking at the troubling trend of earlier puberty in girls and boys, potential causes of it, attachment issues, Western parenting and "poisonous pedagogies", and social media addiction (in parents as well as children), as well as pressure to succeed academically and in careers and how that might be affecting young people's mental health.
https://thecassandracomplex.substack.com/p/the-lost-girls-and-boys
Thanks for sharing this, Meghan! I look forward to reading.
Really really interesting and one that I’ve been involved in firsthand. I have four granddaughters ages26-16. I will read your article with interest!
Thank you, Diane! I would love to hear if you see your granddaughters or their peers struggling with any of these things, and what you do to support them as they grow up into young women. Any practical ideas would be most welcome!
Can’t wait to read this!
Thanks, Amber! Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!